The Alpha, the Feminine, and Relationships

               “Nice guys finish last” …so do nice girls. It’s the ebb and flow of energy, or in this case, lack thereof. When someone is too passive, too agreeable, or too sweet all of the time, the frequency of that energy will do one of two things: It will connect with its opposite in the other person, creating a type of dominance, or it will reflect a similar energy from the other person and create stillness. All energy needs to have ebb and flow. Without its counterpart, things get off balance. One will most likely get bored or annoyed with always having to balance out the “too” much of anything. It is important that we learn a balance within our own personality. Now that doesn’t imply being mean, but we must be strong enough to put up boundaries and have opinions. Some people will say they don’t like a person who can’t make decisions. Passiveness is a sign of weakness, and then the strength of the polar side, will eventually dominate. This creates a disconnect between the two people.

               Alpha does not just refer to male. It is the dominant behavior side of all humans, male or female. The issue can most likely be that the man is too much in his Alpha, or the woman is too much in her Alpha which is our survival mode. Eventually they will clash if they are both predominantly active. The feminine side, which both sexes have, is more of the nurturing side. If the nurturing side is more dominant in either sex, then the other will get bored and “walk all over” the other partner but not in a conscious or intentional way. That is just how energy responds. If there is no balance of nurture mode and survival mode, then the default mode will usually take over. By default, I mean the subconscious programming that runs our lives. If we are not conscientious of it, then one will dominant and leave our partner feeling disconnected by design.

               I always state that everything is energy and that is not my opinion, but a scientific fact. When we understand energies and the signals they emit, then we can take more responsibility of our behaviors and actions and understand how they will bounce off our partner. Without this realization conflict is most likely to arise, or even worse, a huge disconnect. Conflict is not always bad when both parties are aware of how to communicate with non-violence, and then resolution can occur within such conflict. If we choose to operate from one side more dominantly, there will be a disconnect of some sort. Eventually the two sides will burn out, so is it important for all humans to honor both of their masculine and feminine sides. This is also true in all relationships including friendships and professional environment.

               The feminine movement has actually done a disservice to society. I may get a lot of press back for that statement, but I’m not going for popularity in my writings, I write for the truth and proven studied facts. If people don’t understand their energy fields and the types of frequencies that they give off, then they most likely will continue to have unsatisfactory relationships. Everything needs a balance, and ebb and flow. If we hold on too tightly to our trauma response behavior (as most Alpha behavior is trauma response) then will we perpetuate trauma within our relationships, and within our lives. There is a place for masculinity and femininity from both parties in a relationship regardless of their sex.  

               Usually in abusive relationships, the person being abused will send off an energy of vulnerability to the person doing the abuse who will unintentionally pick up the frequency of the signal, and that’s why those two become joined. With narcissistic partners, they too will usually be with someone more passive and less likely to stand their ground. Otherwise, the narcissist or dominant partner will find someone else to latch their energy towards. This is a polarity concept; this is not a personality trait union. All energy and thoughts send out signals and we act as receptors to those messages, again unconsciously.  That’s why it is important to be conscientious of the energy that is being emitted from our behavior. This is not only active behavior, but also thoughts in the mind. “Tough guys or girls” are usually extremely insecure and use that behavior to hide their pain and vulnerability on the inside. That is why they attract vulnerable partners that may not be so aggressive. The energies are the same even though the behaviors are different. You will rarely see a confident man or woman with an insecure person. It turns them off. The frequency of the signals does not match and will repel. That is why they say there is someone for everyone.

               We energetically chose our relationships based off our behavior towards ourselves, not the other person. That is why in most abusive relationships, the abused person will most always say “but I do everything for them. I don’t do anything wrong. I do everything they ask me to and it’s still not good enough.” But what they fail to realize is that they are not valuing themselves at all. We get what we are and if we are not honoring ourselves, no one else will. When people can grasp this energetic concept, they will be able to find a balance within their energies and be able to read people and know when it’s time to step into their masculine, or into their feminine. People who are disconnected from themselves will usually not have the ability to know when to adjust, as their receptors are not connected. We have to be connected to both sides of our energetic makeup, masculine and feminine, to be able to connect with people more genuinely. We have to understand the difference of these two and what they mean and know when we are in one or the other. Otherwise, it’s just the subconscious programming running the show, and that most likely is not for our highest good. It will always be in the alpha survival mode, as that is the mode of the subconscious programming, The feminine gets ignored, and we feel alone.

               Is it possible to be an Alpha dominant female or male who knows when to step into their nurturing side and have the balance to create a stable relationship? Yes. It is also possible to be a non-Alpha dominant female or male, which would be operating more from the feminine side, and still be aware of when to step into their Alpha survival mode in a healthy and productive way. Default Alpha or feminine mode is usually not supportive or effective. And by default, I mean the subconscious programming that will take over. One needs to find the balance and awareness of when to be what in order to maintain healthy relationships both personally and professionally. This goes beyond communication and ability to communicate; this is about the energy surrounding the feelings about the situation or relationship. What we say is not always in alignment of what we think, and that will create another disconnect. If we are in conflict with ourselves, how can we genuinely connect with anyone else?