Men/women, relationships, the wounded bird, and "The IF of Death"

UPDATE September 16, 2022: My writing style has gotten way way softer, but my beliefs and research will always be solid.

        Is this the same song, different version? And the more specific question you may be asking yourself is "how can I allow myself to have such a big heart, when all it does is suffer afterwards?" I wonder, is that why it’s so big, to fit all that shit in it? And then we have to deal with what’s there! Like any muscle, the more we use it, the bigger it gets. Even our stomach, the more we feed it, the more it wants to eat. Isn’t that physiological fact enough to convince us to stop?...Apparently not, in matter of the heart speaking....

        Some will say, like in The Secret “our thoughts cause our feelings” It’s always the thoughts fault! If we can THINK differently about how something “feels” then it can and will feel different!…or at least go away quicker because your mind will be convinced eventually. However, it’s just as bad in the other direction; when you let your feelings control your thoughts. If you “feel like shit” you are going to keep thinking it, therefore, not feeling better…but, it’s because your THOUGHTS put you there…unless it’s a physical virus, in which case has also been proven to be fought off by “thoughts”. J

        All I’m saying is that the heart stays big because we eat too much junk; we allow too much stuff in there that doesn’t need to be there, from people who don’t deserve to be in it. Not everyone deserves your heart. No matter how big or small you want to contribute, it’s not a valid request from ANYONE, not even “God” to expect you to open yourself to everyone. Some people, even if they “mean well”, and “you can see the good in them”, and “all they need is someone like me to change themselves around”, and blah, blah, blah…THAT falls into the wounded bird syndrome: The need to fix that hurt little birdy…the need to feel needed…WHAT ABOUT YOU!? (Is this about you?)

        You spend all your energy focused on trying to help someone else because you are too afraid to deal with your own issues, and then you wake up one day and hate this “helpless when you met them person; because they aren’t the man/woman that you thought you showed them how to better be; because if it wasn’t for YOU, they wouldn’t be who they are now”. Buuuuut…if it wasn’t for YOUR need to take care of this person FIRST, before YOURSELF, then you would have never even gotten there in the first place. Because NO self respecting person, would allow a piece of shit that deep into their lives, no matter what. And maybe they’re not a “piece of shit,” maybe they just really are a good person who got burned. Well, then be prepared. Be prepared to expect the impossible. If this person can’t pick themselves back up, by themselves, BEFORE they get involved with you, then how are they ever going to be there for you in the way that you know you deserve and will be mad and resentful for, that they never were able to? The wounded bird gets passed back and forth. People find security in others because they haven’t been able to find it in themselves. Then they define themselves by a part of another person. And if/when that person disappoints you, you lose yourself again. If you don’t have yourself to begin with, you will never find yourself in another person. And, if you do…it’s not real, it’s not YOU.

        On a lighter wounded bird scale, you may be the secure person who is missing just a smidgen from their life, so you feel the need to work on someone else right now who needs it more. They may not be big pieces of shit either, but they still may possess qualities less desirable or maybe NOT possess some of the one’s you would wish they had. Soooooo, along the frolicking path of healing and sipping from nature’s springs, and flowers are picked; respectfully of course…you realize that this person could quite potentially be the one, IF….(but it’s not the BIG danger zone if, it’s not the IF that you get when he’s beating your ass and you say “I know he wouldn’t beat me IF”)…This is The IF of Death. The IF of “They really could be the one if…” IF they really got to know me; IF they see that I’m nothing like their past girl/boyfriends. IF they give me just that chance, IF I can show them that not all people are bad. Gosh he/she has such a good heart and I can see that they just really need someone to care about them, IF I could just help them”….WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!!!  This person needs to get rid of the hate and hurt they feel from their past relationship or momma or daddy, before they are even capable of giving someone strong and caring enough like you, a fair chance at the love you seek and probably deserve by now! Especially after all the other “wounded birds flew away after you patched their wings” This is a SYNDROME! It is the “need to feel needed syndrome,” or "the wounded bird." OR as I mentioned, this is YOUR wounded bird syndrome, you haven't dealt with YOUR issues.

        It's a known fact that you attract what you are. So if you haven't gotten rid of your issues, chances are you will seek comfort in finding someone with their own. If you resolve your "issues", you may CARE for that wounded bird, but you will not ever let them keep YOU from flying....Turn that into the need to be RESPECTED syndrome. If you are in the “I respect myself club” the REAL club, not the make believe one’s in your head, then you have to attend that club before any of your other meetings. Or cancel them. J….To be continued…

(There will also be more thoughts on “how to recognize if you respect yourself.” ...Hint: you would never accept or allow being disrespected)

Happy Healing! ✨🌟✨

Gia Rose

To reach out for help or questions, please fill out my contact form on my website: www.GiovannaRose.com
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